40 Weeks

by - 3:23 PM

Here we are guys -- well, actually, here I am. The end of my pregnancy, so they say, and still pregnant. Here's what I've learned in 9 months:

  • Your due date is an estimation, otherwise known as a giant crock of shit. Doctors, weather people and FedEx -- we're all just guessing, okay.
  • At the end, you will beg your uterus to feel pain on the off chance that it means labor is beginning. Was that a twinge? Yes please! 
  • Not working and not having a baby is effing boring. If I don't have this baby tonight, I might show back up in the office tomorrow. I get a little jealous and teary-eyed every time Ryan makes a sale. Sniff sniff -- I used to do that, too. 
So anyway, we're literally expecting this baby any old time now, and my patience is wearing thin. But I'm trying. This weekend, we kind of decided that it's probably our last weekend OF OUR LIVES, that we're not parents, so we're actively making the most of it. On Friday, we went out for Thai food and requested our curry be 78% spicy, American, not Thai, and my lips were literally on fire. I thought, huh, I guess this is what it feels like to be stung by 100 bees, or get botox in your lips, whatever.

Then we went to see Sully, which was interesting, but not awesome. You know, good movie, I probably won't see it again though. I really like Tom Hanks and Ryan is really into pilots and airplanes, and we both like candy, so it was a pleasant "last" date night. (And for the record, I know it's not our last date night -- but it is the last one for a really long time that doesn't have arranging a babysitter and being home at a certain time in the mix.)

Last night, the first crisp fall breezes came through and it was awesome. I broke out the apple cider scented everything while Ryan cooked in the kitchen. We went to a potluck with a few friends and stood outside all night in hoodies and jeans. It's weird how good that all feels after a humid summer -- feels good every year.

Today, Ryan is salmon fishing with is brother, who he conned into coming up here with the phrase "this is the last weekend that I'm not a dad -- get up here!" And anyway, it worked. And so help me if I have not made that man a dad by next weekend.

A few other things I want to share, because we all like to laugh, right?
  • Did you know I used to be an Admissions Counselor? Of course you did -- I don't keep it a secret, but  here's a little peek into why I left the weird sticky world of recruiting halfway adults. Laugh, because it's real. May we all avoid becoming helicopter parents. And also, dig more into the Admissions Problems blog -- it doesn't get updated anymore, but it's still hilarious. And here's another one, because JFC, this is our future. Swag, yolo. 
  • You got a small taste of it earlier in this post, but maternity leave is freaking me out. Like most of us, I've had a job since I graduated high school, namely because I like buying things -- electricity, nail polish, the occasional $10 mojito -- you know. But there's also something to be said about the identity you cultivate for yourself as a professional woman -- and when that changes -- if fucks you up. 
"As a professional woman, I’m always doing two things at once...While multi-tasking is a key skill later in motherhood, during maternity leave my multi-tasking abilities became limited to changing a diaper and crying at the same time."
So, things to look forward to, yes?

Alright, now lets talk about this overcooked bay-bay. Featuring my baby daddy:

How far along? 174 weeks. Just kidding. Sort of. 
Total weight gain: 55 smackeroos. Considering how much I worked out in my pre pregnancy life, I'm really putting my money on the breastfeeding gig. 
Maternity Clothes? Haha -- you know what's funny? I've graduated from maternity clothes and have just started wearing Ryan's things. Whoever said pregnancy is cute, never had to wear their husband's sweatpants. 
Stretch marks?  You know, still none on my stomach. I don't know how I avoided that. I have a few on my hips and on my outer thighs, but really I've been pretty lucky in this department. Surprise!
Sleep: I don't quite have insomnia, but I'm definitely not sleeping well anymore. And every morning, I wake up severely disappointed that I didn't wake up in the middle of the night with contractions. Aren't babies supposed to come in the middle of the night?!
Best moment this week:  It's hard to say. It was a pretty mundane week, and I had a few weak spots along the way. On Wednesday, it was 90-million degrees and I was mopping my kitchen because all the nesting vibes, and I just looked up to the sky and begged Jesus to get this baby out of me because I cannot live. The prayer went a little like "Dear Jesus, dealer's choice, please initiate spontaneous labor immediately or let me fall asleep forever. Whichever. Thanks. Oh yeah, and Amen." -- and then yesterday I cried on the couch because I'm still pregnant, so I'm willing to admit that this has been a tough one. Maybe the parts where I felt like I was okay-ish were the best moments?
Miss anything?  I'm not sure I really "miss" things anymore. I've become so habituated to being pregnant that everything feels pretty normal now. Did I ever not feel like a whale? I don't know -- I can't remember what the feels like enough to miss it. 
Movement:  I felt hiccups for the first time this week. That was pretty interesting. But otherwise, he's slowed down quite a bit. 
Food cravings: Nope. 
Anything making you queasy or sick? I do get queasy on occasion. I don't know why or what causes it -- it just happens. 
Labor signs: I wish! Braxton Hicks here and there, but that's really it. 
Belly button in or out? Out. 
Rings on or off? Off. 
Happy or moody? I'm pretty moody. 
Looking forward to: Holding this baby in my arms and not in my belly. I just keep thinking -- the best moment of my life is just a hot minute away and if I'm rational, I don't want to rush that. It's not so much that I'd wish away pregnancy, as I want to see this little boy. And I try to offer myself this daily nugget: I literally cannot be pregnant forever. I can't -- it's impossible. So that's my verbal chill pill. 
Happy Sunday, you guys!

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