by - 8:49 PM

I turned on my heat this morning.

Yeah, it sucks.

But that's not the most hilarious of it. I got really productive today for a red hot second and -- spoiler alert -- think I broke my foot.

It all starts when I wake up at 5am, which is just awesome because Monday through Friday, it's a struggle to be alive a single minute before 7:30am.  But whatever, I'll just instagram in bed and be grateful for a couple extra hours. Hashtag positivity.

So after a delightful hour of coffee and catching up with Facebook and the nonstop political drivel and annual FB privacy hoax that some people cannot get a grip on, I move along to other things. Namely, a seasonal craving for a change of scenery. This leads me to my living room, where I was all like, I'm just going to move all these things around! And it's going to be just super!

I promptly drag the giant TV stand to the middle of the room, swing the couch to window, and pull out the bookshelf because this.is.so.fun!

One quick disappointment -- there is exactly one TV jack in this room. So back the TV goes. Which is RIGHT next to where the couch has been moved.

And I'm thinking, no big. We'll just use the TV for a decoration and not watch it comfortably anymore. What's the problem?

All this dragging furniture around is starting to leave scratches the floor and I know that Ryan can practically smell the scratches when he pulls in the driveway, so that'll be a fun conversation. I'm also starting to get annoyed. TV is back in it's original place and the couch goes back, too. At this point, I'm getting desperate -- I mean, something has to change. So I'm shoving the bookshelf into a spot that makes about 0% sense.

Here's what's fun about the bookshelf. There is a lit candle on shelf number two, and a giant glass pitcher filled to the top with change on shelf number four. And I didn't even consider taking those weapons off the shelves before dragging the entire damn thing from the wall.

Scoot, scoot, scoot. Drag. Trip. Motherfucker. Hot pumpkin scented wax all over my hands and toes and on the floor, and on a few picture frames, and on Ralph's paws because he's being super needy today for no weather related reason, which I'll get into in a second. And then the fifty-seven pound pitcher drops on my foot.

I screamed so many frustrated angry obscenities, Jackers peeked around the corner and couldn't be coerced into coming in the room.

Ultimately, I shoved everything back into its original places and now I'm pretending it was an excellent opportunity to vacuum behind all the furniture. And I'm leaving it at that. So fresh and so clean clean.


I broke out the halloween stuff today. Which naturally included putting Jack in his hotdog custome, and coaxing Ralphers into a pink piggy jacket. I cry when I laugh hard, and my little turkeys had me weeping. 

Cry. Cry. Cry.

But that is where my productivity ends. I proceeded to do absolutely nothing else of merit, unless you think books and venturing out for ice cream has value.


I'll be back tomorrow. This week was approximately 32 days long, but I swear, I did more than just furniture moving cardio. See? I've progressed to silver-lining the whole mess.


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