Thanksgiving 2014

by - 8:02 AM

A couple of nights ago, I lost my car in the Target parking lot. It was snowing pretty heavily and I was wrapped in about seven coats, a hat with the tag still on it, and carrying several packages.

What I'm saying is -- I looked like a crazy old bag lady as I wandered the snowy parking lot, mumbling things like "where in the hell?" and "is this really happening?" and "I am losing my effing mind. There it went -- it's floating away. Goodbye mind. And it's gone."

I was totally sober, too. Which made it all the more frightening.

I kept clicking that red button on my key fob, you know, the one that should make the car scream, but learned a really valuable lesson -- mine doesn't work. So, tears.

It's Thanksgiving, so let's wrap this up with a happy ending. After touching many random cars, and brushing off enough snow from each to determine, nope -- not mine, I finally found my car a good twenty minutes later. It was parked right where I left it, which is so weird, because I thought for sure it was lifted by an alien spaceship or something.

For what it's worth, I'm a creature of habit and I usually park in the same spot. I didn't this time around and I totally lost my shit because of it. Lesson learned -- don't shake up a routine because you will look like a mad hatter on a snowy night, crying in the Target parking lot. And people will ask you if you need a ride to the homeless shelter.

No really -- that happened.


This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for so much. It's a good thing, I think, to run through a quick list of things that you appreciate. I promise, that "quick list" won't stay quick for long. I just keep thinking of things that are awesome and adding it to the count. Suddenly I'm on item number 92734 -- I'm thankful for the careful balance of oxygen and other random elements I don't remember from 11th grade chemistry that allow me to breathe every day.

See what I mean? That's awesome. How can I not be grateful?

But for real -- I'm thankful for this guy. The most rockin', smokin' hot, ambition driven, adventure seeking man out there. He's a "totally bitchin' rockstar from Mars" (thanks Charlie Sheen for that line) that doesn't roll his eyes when I put up the Christmas tree before Thanksgiving, and he's willing to try each experiment that comes out of our oven.

So thankful that he says things like, "your ideas are good. Do them." and "You should write more."

Also, thankful that he thinks moonwalking mini horses are as funny as I do.

Thankful for these dorks.

I'm thankful for health. For waking up and feeling joy. I'm thankful for good friends and a family that I don't mind cherry-picking into perfection. I am thankful that seven years ago, I walked into a bar to pick up my sister and her drunk friends. I'm thankful that my husband was one of those drunk idiots. I'm thankful for Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. I'm thankful Netflix and rainy days that make me feel less guilty about watching "Orange is the New Black" all day. I'm thankful that Wally Lamb writes books and that Lana Del Rey writes songs.

I'm thankful for living in northern Michigan and having a great job. I'm thankful for friendly people, when strangers smile at each other, and great drivers who know the left lane is for passing. I'd be really thankful if I never had to hear "All About That Bass" ever again.

See what I mean? It's easy to get carried away and land on thankful object number 23497034.

Although, is that really getting carried away? I say count. Count 'em up. Love 'em all. And be thankful.

And Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who stumbles across this page. I am thankful for you. I always wanted to be a writer, and when you read what I write, it sort of feels like my dream came true. Thank you. 


May the parade be long, the turkey be moist, the pie be homemade and the chatter go on and on. However you celebrate, I hope it's a good one.

This crispy turkey from 2013 always makes me laugh. Ha!

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