We Climb Mountains

by - 7:42 AM

Ever hear that thing? -- that, "when something goes wrong in your life, yell PLOT TWIST and move on."?

Well, um, PLOT TWIST!

I guess I knew it was going to be a rough day when, at 7:55am, I fell down the steps and landed face first in a puddle of muddy water. My pup Ralph, who attacks all things as if he's never done them before (oh my gosh! Food! I've never eaten before! I better consume this so quickly, I forget to inhale!) ran out behind me and slipped on the wet steps, crashing into me. We both went down together, but somehow, he minded less. Two minutes later, when I should have been starting the commute to work, I was upstairs, changing my clothes.

And you know what the worst part was? I liked my first outfit. I didn't want to change.

Oh oh oh! It gets better. I stumble up the stairs in my house, clutching the handrail like I had two broken hips, and yelled, "Ryan! Ryyyyyaaaannn! Ralph tripped me and I fell down the stairs."

"Oh my God, Jennifer. Is Ralph okay?"

Is Ralph okay? IS RALPH OKAY?!

"Well, he's very old," argues my concerned husband.

Let me back track, a moment, to the actual sequence of events. Because I really have two naughty dogs and their participation contributes in a consequential way. There's one who will run the hell away, given any opportunity, and one who barks his brains out at neighbors and is sort of frightening if you don't know he's a senior-citizen in the dog world. I have the runner in my arms. I have a hold of the collar of the senior citizen. Off we go as I literally kick the door open (enter your own opinions here) where we are greeted by falling rain and a wet front stoop. Pretty immediately, Ralph runs out, bites the dust, and crashes into the back of my knees. But wait! He hops like no big deal and proceeds to lick my face while I lay there in the mud. Also, I landed on my ten-pound burrito dog, Jack, who I immediately release. And as I lay there, surveying the state of my dress pants, all the dogs are running in circles around me. And then, because, well, why not? --

"Jack! Jack! Jack! Get back here, you turkey!"

You know, when it rains, it pours. Literally.

I stood up, stared into the heavens (you guys, it was the cathartic part of the best, most cheesy movie when the protagonist screams to God while standing in the rain. So symbolic.) and I guess, just sort of shrugged. Here we go, I thought. And I wasn't wrong. The next twelve hours acted accordingly.

In case you're confused, I mean they sucked.

I got an email that pretty well wrecked my day and I had one option to maintain my sanity -- I yelled "PLOT TWIST!!" to no one in particular in my tiny little car as I drove home.


A couple of days ago -- okay, maybe weeks, but whatever -- I posted the following picture on my Facebook. It's become an annual picture, and I'm proud to post the 2014 version here. It's the picture I take every year when Ryan and I pretend to be very serious athletes and we conquer a mountain.

I'm wearing ski pants because, you know, we're athletes.

Anyway, I posted this to my Facebook with the caption "We climb mountains." I meant it very literally -- we climbed a mountain, but it wasn't until a friend's mother pointed out that this is a completely appropriate mantra, that I thought, yes, we climb "mountains" together. Metaphorical mountains more often than actual mountains. We are athletes!

We also navigate plot twists.

(Scream when you see it!)


So, you know TGIF? Well, TGIS -- I'm so thankful for the weekend. I don't care much for Friday night now. Saturday owns my heart.

Oh, and if you were wondering, Ralph is just fine. In fact, no animals were harmed in the making of this blog post.

My knee, however....

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  1. "Oh my God, Jennifer. Is Ralph okay?" Baahahahahahahaha! That is CLASSIC!

  2. Hahaha this is a great post! I'm sorry about the unfortunate circumstance it took to create it, but I laughed the whole way through it. "I'm wearing ski pants because, you know, we're athletes."

  3. I mean, can you believe he said that to me!?