The Balance, circa 2012

by - 12:23 PM

Nearly two weeks ago, I took one final sweeping look around my office, closed the door, locked it and left 2012 behind.
When I got home, I promptly uglified myself with dog hair covered yoga pants and a messy pony. Then I reminded myself that I wouldn't have to put on a pair of heels until January 3, 2013. That was, perhaps, the warmest, most snuggly feeling I had in all of December.
If I have learned anything this year, it's that life is about balance. A little of this, a little of that and a giant scoop of life-will-go-on and you get a bowl full of happy.
It feels equally good to work stupidly hard as it does to breathe deeply. I like quiet, but I also like loud. I like cozy as much as I like crazy. And Gwen Stefani is my style icon. But so is Gwyneth Paltrow.
A little this, a little that.
I woke up this morning and pulled on a pair of jeans. Next came my favorite sweatshirt. I sat down to write this and couldn't. I needed to reshift my balance. Today was a day for lipstick. And heels. And a cute outfit.
Nix the heels. I went with racoon slippers intead. Because, you know, a little this, a little that.
And because maybe racoons on your feet are more fabulous than those Vera Wangs in your closet.
And by maybe, what I mean is definitely.
Is it weird that I couldn't help myself? I thought, gosh, this is my life. I'm not happy with the same thing all the time. Too much comfy is annoying, but in the swing of things, all I want to do is kick off my heels and find my favorite snugly socks.
Oh balance, you sneaky devil. You are my savior.
Remind me of my blessings. Keep me moving, growing.
I'm a body in motion that only keeps going because balance keeps me upright.
2012 was damn good to me.
I became a woman confident in her independence.
I discovered red lipstick.
I gained lines on my face.
I am growing older---a blessing so often disguised as a curse, but there is only one alternative and I've successfully avoided that for another year.
I became grateful. My eyes are open so much wider to the uncountable blessings in my life.
I used to rue the amount of time that Ryan and I don't spend together, but this year, I became so independent of him, so much more confident of myself---and I began to recognize that we work freakin' hard today so that someday we can lay back a little. We are building a life together, and that takes time. It takes work. It takes planning. I am so proud of what we do, how we collaborate, and the life that we are creating for ourselves.
We work very hard because we are both forward thinkers and fabulously ambitious---this is our life and I take pride in it.
It's a balance
Speaking of which, I fell even more ridiculously in love with this man.
I gave forgiveness, even if it wasn't asked because it felt so good to let the past rest.
I forgave myself for holding on to resentment for so long.
I was published. More than once. More than twice.
I began to consider myself a real writer and a starving artist.
I learned that you can't replace friendships with anything.

And probably the perfect cherry on this stellar sundae, was Christmas. For the first time in adulthood, I woke up on Christmas morning surrounded by family. We celebrated together, opened gifts one by one and I felt connected to a group of people in a way that I have never felt before. Some families just get it right, and Ryan's is one of them. Becoming a part of it is one of those blessings that are so remarkable, it's unbelieveable that it can be real.

Smiling's my favorite.
It's incredible how much can change in a year. I can foresee a some changes, but I know there are a few surprises lurking in each coming month. Undoubtedly, some will be good and some will be bad. Life will continue to ebb and flow. I'll change and reflect. And one year from this very moment will be entirely different from what it is right now.
But that's the balance. That's the magic.
That's what makes life worth living.
Happy New Year to all of you who read this blog. Thank you for letting me believe that I write something worth reading.
May you be blessed and may we all get crazy, stupid rich in 2013.

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